tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121748613453410486.post4962697731393033541..comments2020-03-29T18:02:34.603-07:00Comments on Enough With This: The Coming Out PlanCarson Nhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15490382424058161423noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121748613453410486.post-8874418151921890582011-03-03T12:05:23.329-08:002011-03-03T12:05:23.329-08:00Hi, I'm Will's wife. I just wanted to say...Hi, I'm Will's wife. I just wanted to say that every family is different, everyone reacts and judges in their own way. One of Will's brothers reacts by ignoring. The other one was willing to discuss things, but once he was faced with the deep issues, it all comes down to faith.... so he's got nothing really. So they avoid us, and that's been a little disappointing.<br /><br />I believe my family will be more accepting, because they know we've left, just not that we've officially left. Still, no one really will talk about it. But the elephant is there. I know that in my family, I will feel better getting it all off my chest and let them know the reasons without totally trashing the church. I just have to figure out a way to say it respectfully so they'll be receptive and more fully understand us without thinking we're going to hell. <br /><br />So all I'm saying is that you're not alone. Do what you need to do for YOU. Expect some changes in your family relationships, but you won't regret it down the road.Fannyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02071404753064511649noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121748613453410486.post-82039158798467720102011-03-03T11:03:36.596-08:002011-03-03T11:03:36.596-08:00Well, I admire your williness to make any kind of ...Well, I admire your williness to make any kind of official statement. I told my two brothers about a year and a half ago that I was going to leave the church after my daughter got home from her mission, and eventually we (my wife and I) did (Feb '10), and it has definitely created a casm. No words have been spoken about it since, but the quiet speaks volumes. You may have the kind of family that will have to know and can deal with it, but there will be a change in your relationships. That may be a good thing because it may cause others you care about to start asking themselves some hard questions. Other than that, I don't see any potential for positives by speaking up. I've resolved that it isn't worth the greif to discuss it with any of the rest of my family. I have a friend who likes to call it the matrix, and when your in the matrix, you can't see or understand the reasoning for leaving the church, much less be compasionate about it. I'll be watching to see how your situation turns out. Best of luck.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121748613453410486.post-82399640374651476832011-03-01T11:29:10.872-08:002011-03-01T11:29:10.872-08:00jenn,
Thanks for stopping by. You make some excel...jenn,<br /><br />Thanks for stopping by. You make some excellent points in favor of email. It allows me to say all that I want to say in a way that won't be interrupted and can be precisely referred to in the future. That is exactly what I want. I'm sorry to hear that it was still hellish for a while for you. I'm glad there are people like you to share stories with.<br /><br />Jason,<br /><br />I agree that an announcement has the benefit of getting everything out on the table so that there is less confusion and less wasted time. This is why the second phase is going to be an announcement of sorts to the whole family. I don't want to go into great detail about why I don't believe, because they would take it as a full out unprovoked attack on them personally, and it would distract from the message I want to get across, which is: hey guys, we don't believe but we still love you and we're still the same people. I'll give out full details to people that are curious. For the most part, I expect that once they've satisfied themselves as to where we are on the belief spectrum, they'll cover their eyes and ears to any further information from us on the topic.<br /><br />I'd love to read your exit letter. I've sent an email.Carson Nhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15490382424058161423noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121748613453410486.post-68355448170664497912011-03-01T09:47:20.358-08:002011-03-01T09:47:20.358-08:00Hi. I am an exmo. My family (wife, 2 young daughte...Hi. I am an exmo. My family (wife, 2 young daughters) left the church 5 years ago. I went the e-mail route as well. However, I did the "grand announcement" method, and would recommend it.<br /><br />No one can tell you the best way to do it, because each family is different. However, if you try to piecemeal it by answering different questions in your update, to me, that will be a lot like IM.<br /><br />A grand announcement would allow you to lay out all of the details, and get it all out there to everyone, so that questions/concerns will be based upon knowing your full statement on the topic rather than just that "you aren't going anymore". Questions will ensue, but they will be more deep, rather than simply people asking you over and over to explain what is going on... Anyway, just a thought. Not only that, but you mention how it isn't a big deal, that you are the same people. That may very well be right, but to your Mormon family, this is a HUGE change. Writing a lengthy e-mail to explain yourself does seem to fit that situation.<br /><br />If you would like a copy of my family e-mail letting them know we are leaving, I would be happy to provide. I have setup a temporary e-mail, jellis@dodgit.com, that you can contact me through. Give me your e-mail, and I will send you the exit letter I wrote.<br /><br />Good luck.Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11265912839369397570noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-121748613453410486.post-14362626059516504002011-03-01T08:04:22.401-08:002011-03-01T08:04:22.401-08:00I don't know you, (sorry to intrude! I found y...I don't know you, (sorry to intrude! I found your blog from a link at Main Street Plaza) but had to comment because my husband & I faced this same issue last winter with my parents, and I just really identify with other people going through it. It was a bit hellish, but after a few months things settled a bit and I can now talk to them on the phone and in person without them bursting into tears, lectures, missionary-speak, etc. The first few months however...it was almost frightening to see the life-grip the Church has over them. They are extremely emotionally, financially, and socially invested. They literally cannot entertain the notion that any other path could lead to 'true' happiness. In their eyes, they HAVE to be right, or else they're wrong...it's a fabulous catch-22. Anyway, I also communicated my coming-out thoughts through email. I liked being able to rationally explain my side without being interrupted. I think that frustrated them- they didn't want know or understand what I had to say. (They still don't, but we just don't discuss it-- the elephant in the room) But an e-mail forces them to read through it all, and hopefully, gives them something to go back to and read later on when they're in a more relaxed state. But despite the kind, mostly gentle emails I sent, my parents said many hurtful things to me, disparaged my husband (they blame him for my 'apostasy'), tried to find ways to explain my loss of testimony (e.g. my mom accused me of being on drugs. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry), etc. It was awful, but like I said- a year later, things are okay. Time heals. Good luck- I really hope it goes well for you, or at least, better than you would expect. I think your phased plan sounds perfect.Jennhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17923997478943050485noreply@blogger.com